The author’s journey of self-discovery highlights the need to prioritize personal happiness and embrace the freedom to live authentically after years of meeting others’ expectations.
From a young age, I was conditioned to prioritize the happiness of my family, neighborhood, and society. I grew up fulfilling expectations, always striving to make those around me proud. Reflecting after four decades, I acknowledge significant personal and professional achievements. Yet, a part of me realizes I haven’t done much purely for myself.
Despite extensive travels, I seldom visited places I genuinely desired. Time with friends was scarce, as I never felt the need. A recent outing highlighted this disconnect. While ordering food, I struggled to choose because I didn’t know my preferences. Even in esteemed restaurants, I often mirrored others’ choices. Shopping posed similar challenges; I found it hard to decide what suited me, always seeking external validation.
Last year, I hesitated to join an online self-growth event, fearing familial judgment. A close friend’s advice, “Do what makes you happy”- resonated deeply. After contemplation, I joined, leading to one of the most profound experiences of my life.
Though I’ve encountered wonders and met amazing people, I seldom asked myself what I truly wanted. When I finally did, I realized I lacked the answer. Even selecting a saree felt overwhelming. Being constantly pampered led me to neglect my own needs.
A year ago, friends invited me to a picturesque locale in southern India. This trip felt different- it was solely for fun. As the departure neared, a family health issue arose, prompting me to consider canceling. Balancing responsibilities and personal desires was challenging.
Two days before the trip, I chose to go. Not out of irresponsibility, but recognizing that I wasn’t the sole caretaker. I anticipated criticism but understood the necessity of being there for myself.
The four-day journey with childhood friends felt unfamiliar initially. For the first two days, I grappled with identifying what made me happy. Gradually, I found my footing. Standing amidst rough sea waves, I reveled in the experience for myself, indifferent to onlookers’ perceptions.
Many of us feel constrained, viewing self-discovery as indulgent and prioritizing personal happiness as wrong. We often believe that taking time for ourselves is selfish. However, it’s perfectly acceptable to embark on a trip, savor a special meal, or make a purchase simply because it brings joy, writes Gayathri Ramachandran.
Since then, I’ve embarked on more trips and programs, driven by personal desire. I’m aware of those puzzled by my newfound independence, unaccustomed to seeing me take autonomous steps.
Many of us feel constrained, viewing self-discovery as indulgent and prioritizing personal happiness as wrong. We often believe that taking time for ourselves is selfish. However, it’s perfectly acceptable to embark on a trip, savor a special meal, or make a purchase simply because it brings joy. Obligations will always exist, but it’s vital to carve out moments for oneself.
Out of love, family and friends might worry that change could disrupt routines or cause setbacks. Their concerns stem from care. Yet, if pursuing personal happiness feels essential, embrace it without regret.
Freedom isn’t about proving independence to the world. To me, it’s about engaging in small acts that bring joy. As you support those around you, remember to be there for yourself too.
As actress Priyanka Chopra aptly said, “You can’t make everybody happy. There would be someone out there who would be unhappy about what you do!” This sentiment deeply resonates with me. My journey of self-discovery continues, and I’m learning that prioritizing my happiness is both acceptable and fulfilling. It’s a beautiful feeling, marking just the beginning.
Self-care and self-discovery aren’t selfish acts; they’re vital for our well-being. By dedicating time to ourselves, we become better equipped to support and love others. So, take that trip, try that new dish, buy that outfit you adore, and embrace the joy of living for yourself. Your happiness matters, and it’s okay to prioritize it.
28 comments
Thank you mam. It’s an eye opener to me in the current scenario to lead a peaceful life with education for myself instead of expecting others, even partner, to understand my emotion and pain. Sacrificing our life, soul, moral values and wellbeing being a slave to others, killing our emotions and self respect is inhuman. Building self love with moral values within us only can strengthen our core and also our society.
What a wonderful affirmation! You’re absolutely right, prioritizing self-care and self-love is not arrogance, it’s essential! Taking care of oneself and practicing self-love is a sign of self-respect, self-awareness, and self-worth. It’s recognizing that your well-being matters and that you deserve to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled.
Remember, loving yourself is not selfish, it’s necessary. By embracing self-care and self-love, you’ll become a better, more compassionate, and more resilient person, which will positively impact all areas of your life and relationships. Keep shining and prioritizing your own well-being! A great eye opener for many like me. Loved it mam.
Thank you Uma for taking time, and sharing your feedback. I am happy this piece resonates with you
Your article truly reflects my mind . I don’t remember when I had taken time for myself to do what I really like.The personal responsibilities have never permitted me .
Definitely all of us need to take a break ,need a space amidst our routine work.
Only then we will be able to work giving our best.
As we have a planner for a year in the workplace we must also have a planner for self.
Taking time for ourselves visiting friends,cousins, shopping,music ,movies,books are mandatory.
The little joy we discover from doing what we like will definitely help us to be cheerful always and keep all others around us happy.
If we work without a break at one point or the other we would tend to harm verbally the people around us.
So discovering ourselves and taking time for ourselves not only do good for us but also for people around us.
Thank you Chitra, for taking time to read this article, and share your elaborate thoughts. Like you said, discovering us is not only good for us but also for people around us.
Your journey of coming to true freedom of your spirit, is perhaps that which is such an essential, natural progression of growing up to complete adulthood… much like crossing the rubicon for children at the age of 9-11. It’s an important milestone and you have been so honest about your experiences leading upto this point. If more and more people are able to balance this personal quest with the have to’s in life, there will be much less room for frustration and resentment which slowly creeps in to hearts which have not tasted this freedom!
Of course I have to comment on one more thing which I love about traditional
Indian homes. The order of events has to be as you have outlined . One learns to give the world quite as a habit before we look at ourselves as part of the receiving. When children are taught in the reverse , and are awakened too early with I want, I need, I must, for me, my choice, then the world becomes self serving . The gentle transition and balance in the “world and I “is a must. And even after we truly enjoy our own experience of personal freedom frequent de tours will happen and they must!!!so happy that you shared this article Gayatri. I relived my own journey through this…
Thank you so much, Gita Bhalla, for your thoughtful and insightful comment. I truly appreciate your understanding of the delicate balance between personal freedom and life’s responsibilities. Your words beautifully capture the essence of nurturing both the “world” and the “self” in harmony. I’m glad my journey resonated with you and brought back memories of your own path to self-discovery. It’s encouraging to know that sharing our experiences can inspire others to seek that balance. Thank you for engaging so deeply with my article.
Thank you Ganesh for your kind feedback. I loved the way you mentioned about spending time without Guilt.
Loved your article, ma’am. It reflects the experiences of many Indian women and had a personal touch for me. I, too, have struggled to identify and prioritize my essential needs. Even now, I feel frustrated when making choices for myself. I was devastated after my mom’s death when I was 18, and I still haven’t fully healed from certain things.
After reading your article, I also want to prioritize my happiness and not worry so much about others’ opinions.
I am so happy to note that this article has resonated with you. Thank you for taking time to post your comments.
Beautifully penned article by Dr. Gayathri Ramachandran. I’m her follower reading her articles right from the frozen thought to infini thought, each article is a masterpiece. She connects with the readers easily through her simple yet profound message. So happy to read this “Passage from conformity to personal freedom” yet another masterpiece. This article gives insight about prioritizing, yes! Can personalize it so much to myself too. It’s an Eye-opener. If not me who else would care for me ? Let’s embrace love, happiness & live our life to the fullest by self love. As Dr. Gayathri Ramachandran has mentioned what’s wrong in prioritizing our happiness❤ wish Dr. Gayathri Ramachandran pen many such insightful and readers friendly articles.
Thank you very much for your kind words.
A beautiful article penned by Dr. Gayathri Ramachandran, that reflects the likeness of grooming that happens in a typical conservative culturally linked Indian family. I recall that story of Sage Dhathichi which used to be narrated during story time with grandma to tell about the supreme sacrifice that has to be made for the cause of good. This had but moulded the raw mind to keep ” Others first and self next “.This in a way had helped to tune the mind to contribute in a healthy social set up . With changing times and changing situations, there are times when we need to prioritise self before others . The demarcation may vary from individual to individual. Loved the way the Author had narrated instances in life that had been an difficult to handle for the pre conditioned mind set is something I could closely connect with.
Thank you Anandhi, for your comment and sharing some profound thoughts , citing example of sage Dathichi. Truly appreciate.
A thought-provoking article by the author. It’s true that while we live in a collective, a community, it is essential that we find our individual, authentic self and give it the opportunity and nourishment to blossom. I believe that there is a stage later in life when one is ready to leave the security net of the collective and societal to embark on an inward, often spiritual journey to the centre of one’s being. A spiritual practice, I may add, is often the biggest support in finding one’s authentic self, as I have witnessed in my own life as a practitioner of Nichiren Buddhism.
Thank you so much for your kind words and feedback. Learning about Nichiren Buddhism through your comments.
A thought provoking article, Dr. Gayatri… I felt as if I am reading my own thoughts…I can perfectly relate to your narrative..yes.. we are sooooo much carried away by taking care of our family that somewhere we get totally lost…at some point of life we struggle to choose even a dish or a dress of our choice.. because over a long time we have forgotten our likes and choices…Very nice write up on discovering own self…
Highly motivating positive article… keep rocking dear..
For a happy, healthy and Peaceful life, our own happiness matters. Every reader like me could easily connect to this article and the way the author has shared her own life experience is really amazing. A profound take away indeed!!
Thank you for finding this piece profound.
Thank you for this wonderful article, which is something that the readers could easily connect to. An experience for many. Your article is definitely an eye opener for many. Our happiness matters, and it’s Okay to prioritise.
Gayathri, your article beautifully captures the essence of breaking free from societal norms to embrace personal freedom. It encourages to prioritize our own happiness and well-being, highlighting the transformative power of self-discovery and self-care. Your journey is a powerful reminder that living authentically, without guilt, can lead to a more fulfilling and liberated life. I like it when it comes to my fulfillment.
Profound piece!
Thank you
This article really strikes a chord with me as I navigate the process of reclaiming my own personal freedom from the pressures of society. It emphasizes the importance of self-care and reconnecting with our authentic selves, something that can easily be overlooked when we are constantly focused on taking care of others. The reflections shared by the author on the importance of living truthfully and prioritizing our own happiness are not just inspiring but also empowering. I was particularly moved by the author’s personal anecdotes, which serve as a powerful reminder that true fulfillment comes from accepting ourselves fully, without being weighed down by guilt or societal norms. A thought provoking article…
Thank you Poornima, for taking time to share your feedback. I am glad that it resonated with you.
Aptly put👏👏 It mirrors the inner fears and hesitation that most Indian women have, and underlines the importance of dedicating Me Time.
Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts about this article.
True, mam. It’s an eye opener to many.
Self care & personal freedom are not arrogance but an essential aspect for solace & peace.
Thanks 👍