From dissatisfaction to bliss. Ahhhhh! It’s possible, practical, desirable, and doable. I realized this while being out of authoritarian America and in Buddhist Thailand.
Some dukkha — dissatisfaction, disappointment, unease, anxiety, sadness — is normal and natural. In fact, it has an important evolutionary biological basis.
Understanding Dukkha: The Root of Dissatisfaction
Our negativity bias, our experience with false positives, our innate desire for food, sweets, and sex, our heightened and often exaggerated expectations of potential benefits, and our worrying about how others perceive us, among other factors, often lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction. If not immediately, then shortly thereafter, because whatever it is might not have been as great as we expected. And because we want more! Yet all of these phenomena have kept us alive — as individuals and as a species—and made it more likely that we successfully reproduce and pass on our genes, as dictated by natural selection. That is an evolutionary win.
The Path to Sukha: Embracing Reality
The simple solution of getting from dukkha to sukha, from sadness to ease, contentedness, or bliss — quite simple, though not at all easy for most people — is to accept reality as it is, both the personal reality in our head and the subjective reality of the world around us. The simple reality of the present moment is all there is. That is how we can shift from disgruntled to gruntled.
One can and should sometimes seek to change the conditions of reality, if that is possible; however, the key is to know and accept that reality is reality, whether in the small world within or the big world outside. Indeed, accepting what is might be the best way to get to what could be. The key is to be impartial like an honest referee, not indifferent, and disinterested like a fair judge, not uninterested.
The true nature of reality is that, at any given moment, it is what it is, not what we necessarily want, fear, like, or so on. That said, reality is always changing, because nothing is permanent — including us, everything and everyone we love, and everything else — except for impermanence (annica) itself. Everything can be characterized by formlessness or emptiness (sunyata), always changing and without being fully distinct from anything else (interbeing). Whether we like it or not, everything is in flux, and nothing lasts forever. In the words of Walter Cronkite’s sign-off at the end of each broadcast, “And that’s the way it is.”
It is sometimes erroneously asserted that the Buddha declared that “Life is suffering.” He actually stated that there is a lot of unnecessary suffering, that there are reasons for that suffering, and that there are techniques to overcome it. To that end, the Buddha suggested that we do good, avoid evil, and purify our minds. In English, the word suffer derives from the Latin sufferre, meaning “to bear, carry, or endure”. We can let go and release the burden of suffering at any time. Sukha is the etymological base for sucrose and sugar, so we associate contentment and bliss with sweetness.
It is sometimes erroneously asserted that the Buddha declared that “Life is suffering.” He actually stated that there is a lot of unnecessary suffering, that there are reasons for that suffering, and that there are techniques to overcome it.
Redefining Suffering: Pain vs. Self-Inflicted Darts
As is commonly said: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”. We cannot control how people and phenomena come to us (what Buddhists refer to as the first arrow or dart that is shot at us), though we have complete control over our response (the second arrow or dart that we aim at ourselves). To paraphrase Audre Lorde, we are not responsible for our pain and trauma, but we must be responsible for our liberation from suffering.
When we have dissatisfaction (dukkha) with some aspect of the world and desperately crave, cling, or intensely desire (tanha) that aspect to be different and presumably better, we suffer because we are fighting against reality. No matter how much we fight, scream, cry, beg, pray, meditate, get depressed, hide, try to escape, or whatever else, we cannot, for example, bring back someone who has died or drink from a mug that is irreparably broken. Or as the classic Stoic Epictetus exclaimed, it would be like “wishing for a [fresh] fig in winter”. We know life doesn’t work that way. We need to purify our minds to view reality as reality, and that takes practice.
In addition to suffering in the present due to fighting reality, most of us engage in mental time travel by ruminating about or regretting the past, as well as fantasizing or worrying about the future, instead of simply accepting the present for what it is.
Cultivating Bliss: Practical Steps and Perspectives
In contrast, when we have dissatisfaction or sadness (dukkha) with some aspect of the world without any craving or attachment (tanha) to changing what cannot be changed, we avoid suffering and experience bliss (sukha), even when we are not happy in the usual sense. Sukha is not simply a transient happiness that comes and goes with external circumstances (preya), but rather a background or default state of sweet satisfaction and joy that is lasting, regardless of external circumstances. We can enjoy each season for what it offers (with gratitude!), instead of pining and whining after what we don’t — and can’t — have.
For the mathematically inclined:
dukkha (dissatisfaction) + tanha (craving) = suffering (a hell realm);
dukkha (dissatisfaction) – tanha (craving) = bliss (sukha, a heaven realm).
These equations show how both dissatisfaction and bliss are transitory and how each can transform into the other.
If we get dissatisfied, we can notice dissatisfactions pass like clouds while focusing on the sky, ebb and flow like waves while focusing on the ocean of which they are a part, flutter by like butterflies while focusing on the environment, indeed flit like thoughts and feelings — what the Buddha termed “mind objects”, which can be from the past, present, or future, whether real or imaginary — while focusing on peace of mind. When we enjoy this shift to the latter, this new relationship with the world, all the easier, better, and more durable it will become.
As is commonly said, “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”. We cannot control how people and phenomena come to us – what Buddhists refer to as the first arrow that is shot at us. But we do have complete control over our response – the second arrow that we aim at ourselves.
Buddhism, Stoicism, and the Serenity Prayer
We often create heavens and hells on Earth. Buddhism, Stoicism, and Christianity through the Serenity Prayer converge at this point. The Serenity Prayer, which is also a courage prayer, a wisdom prayer, and a bliss prayer, says: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” One does not have to like reality to fully accept it. Indeed, Tara Brach has written about “radical acceptance”. Some people can grasp this intellectually, while others need to experience it more deeply, through meditation, prayer, or trial and error.
Your First Step Toward Bliss
A common saying is to “let it go”. An influential 20th-century Thai monk, Ajahn Chah, famously said that “If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will have complete peace.” Yet again, this is a simple solution to inner turmoil, sadness, and suffering, even if not an easy one. Indeed, I have met countless Thai people, many of whom are poor and middle-class, who live this way.
When we are ready, we can go from dukkha to sukha, from dissatisfaction to bliss without suffering. Every moment is another opportunity. This isn’t the only path to happiness, but it’s one way — and there are at least a hundred others.
Don’t take my — or anyone else’s — word for it. Experiment for yourself!
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