For all the initial years of my life, my parents were the only scriptures I read, observed them closely, and subconsciously inherited their traits. Coming from a deeply connected Gujarati joint family, I was blessed with an excellent childhood. However, I have seen my mom making all the sacrifices happily and always prioritizing her family over herself.
To me, that was the idea of unconditional love – family first, friends first, others first. And I happened to embed that trait into myself. The world around me was happy, they loved me immensely, and I thought maybe I am getting this game of love right. And, that marked a. Significant step on this unconditional love journey
However, with time, I started seeing traces of deprivation of love if I noticed others not reciprocating their love for me. I would find myself agitated, often furious, leaving me in wonderment: why would the other not fulfill my ‘expectation’ of love?
Eureka moment
It was a ceaseless loop, I would keep giving to the world around me with immense joy, but when people didn’t recognize or reciprocate my love, sheer disappointment followed. I would overcome the disappointment and repeat the same. It was a pattern in itself, and I had no clue how to come out of it.
Keep giving, keep giving, keep giving, experience unhappiness, console myself, give again.
What was the reason for my unhappiness?
Who was the reason for my unhappiness?
I actually thought that givers remained unhappy. Most of the people around me would reiterate similar feelings, reaffirming my thoughts.
This pattern continued until I was blessed with my mentor Megha Bajaj and Guru Mahatria. I observed and absorbed them closely. They are the two most unconditional givers I have ever experienced in my life, and they are happy! They simply radiate happiness, their hearts so full of love that their very life seemed like ‘giving’ their best to the world.
I would wonder, I haven’t done much for them, and yet they keep doing what they do for me without expecting anything in return. Why wouldn’t they expect something from me? I would tell myself, I want to experience the unconditional love journey and be like them.
When you seek something from life, life finds a way to bless you with it. I sought my answers, and they came in the form of my Guru’s teachings: To be, to do, to have, to give. And to walk on the unconditional love journey.
I realized I had to get my being right first- my thoughts and my intent. Then I had to do good, to do what must be done- at work, at home, and everywhere else. Then, I realized that I had to have something before I could give it to the world.
It was a profound realization, a eureka moment, a breakthrough in itself: I can give only what I have. I had never loved myself enough, never cherished myself enough, and I waited for the world to do that for me. What can a beggar give? Maybe a little something he has begged?
You can only give what you have- without self-love, there’s nothing to offer but the emptiness you’ve been waiting for others to fill.
Keeping my cup full
It was as though I was at the mercy of the world to fill my cup of love. If I received love, it was great, and I had enough to give back. But if I didn’t receive, the cup remained empty, causing all the disturbances and emotional drama.
It was a pivotal moment, as though I had discovered the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle of love. This piece made a phenomenal difference in putting everything together and making sense of it all.
That day, I decided to love myself enough, never waiting for the world to do that for me. If they did, excellent- let my cup overflow. But if they didn’t, it simply wouldn’t affect me.
I started taking baby steps, initially pampering myself with a good spa, enjoying a cuisine I loved, or gifting myself an outfit from the mall without getting into a guilt trip. A sense of deservingness started seeping in. I realized, I deserve the best in the world. It just felt right, beautiful, and loving.
Gradually, I started practicing self-love through healthy eating, meditation, physical fitness, reading, or simply finding ME time amidst life’s responsibilities.
I love my world with the utmost depth and pure intent, wanting to give more to each soul that touches my life. It feels beautiful. My goal is for everyone who touches my life to leave feeling more loved, cherished, and cared for.
If someone asks me today,
Do you know love?
Without hesitation, I would say,
No, I am love.
Photos courtesy: Pixabay and Unsplash
2 comments
Enjoyed reading this article. Thank you to the author for sharing her inner life with readers so honestly. I resonated with several aspects of this article particularly the one about having a stable childhood and a loving family life.
Excellent piece. Related every bit with each sentence. Loving oneself is the most cherished gift one can give herself/himself. So much so that if anyone asks you who your favorite person is, the default answer should be “Oh, That’s me!”