Now, I am there where I am!

Scene one: Snap! The snapping of the fingers in front of my eyes jolted me out of my daydreaming. Hey! Where are you lost? Are you even listening? My friend Neerja asked. Nowhere. I’m right here, I replied. She smiled and let me be, knowing well that I was lost. A bit confused, I smiled back and diverted the topic. 

Scene two: While I was talking to my Mom on the phone, I kept her on hold and attended a call from my help, who was out to shop for vegetables and fruits. After talking to her, I switched back to Mom—and I was blank. I had lost the thread of thoughts and could not recollect our conversation. “Mom, can I call you back?” I hung up so that she wouldn’t feel unheard. 

Scene three: While cooking, I suddenly remembered that I had to place an order for a cake as it was a friend’s birthday. Leaving the curry on simmer, I grabbed my phone. After placing the order, something else caught my attention, and while doing so, I totally forgot that the gas stove was on. I smelled something burning and rushed to the kitchen. The vegetable dish in the pan were charred. 

Pattern of mindlessness

Obviously, I blamed myself for being absent-minded. Later, on a call with my sister I told her of what had happened. I was such an efficient multitasker until a couple of years ago. I could easily manage 4-5 tasks at the same time. I had the mental capacity and the physical energy for the same. And look where I am today, I complained. 

She heard me and, pacifying me, said, “It’s OK; it happens. Don’t stress. It’s a very common thing to happen with all of us.” Again, I lost track of what she was saying, and my mind became blank.  

This sounds very familiar, right? It’s so common in our lives. Nonetheless, I was getting worried about these occurrences every day. I had to fix the problem. 

“The best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment,” said Thich Naht Hanh, Vietnamese Zen master

I started to study the patterns in my daily routine. I observed what caused them. Was it the thoughts, the attention span, the actions, or the age catching up? Menopause makes you forget things, they say. I realized it was a mix of everything. The most crucial one was the absence of being in the moment. I had forgotten to be where I was physically.

Mindless scrolling on my cellphone had shrunk my attention span and made me restless and fidgety. I needed some distraction and action for my fingers and hands, so I mindlessly reached for my phone every few minutes. Social media had become an addiction. Automatically, I would open the apps and keep scrolling. 

While doing household chores or tasks, my focus tended to shift to the past. Memories of similar situations or unpleasant incidents would crop up. The stress and baggage of the unresolved issues and mixed emotions would take charge. Obviously, this would force me to deal with the stress it brought along, making me operate and act from the old conditioning. And the patterns would repeat.

If not the past, my mind would leap into the future. It would wander, building castles in the air, or the uncertainty of tomorrow would build up anxiety. This kept me away from reality and got me to believe the perceived realities of the unknown future. I lived either in the past or the future. I was never where I was supposed to be—the present, the now.

Making a conscious shift

I had to change this for my good. I wanted to bring some harmony and discipline to myself and my mind. I wanted to improve my focus and use my potential for better things and better results. Just like I would sit in meditation with full focus, I started to live with complete mindfulness, be it talking to someone, exercising, listening to music, or working in the kitchen. 

I made an effort to bring the state of one-pointedness into everything: bathing, brushing teeth, folding clothes, cleaning closets, and so on. The joy and calmness it gave me were unmatched. It felt like living in mediation. I started to enjoy the less-exciting activities, too—washing the dishes, writing, singing, or being in nature. I felt alive and part of the present.

The essence of a room is not the furniture or the people it is filled with. It is the space. Similarly, our essence is not the feelings, thoughts, emotions, etc. The space within is essentially who we are. 

My bonding in relationships grew stronger as my focus in conversations was 100 percent. There was no distraction from unwanted thoughts. I became a better listener to others’ stories. I could feel with them. This gave the person a sense of being important and respected. My involvement in my children’s activities was also total. I was in the now, the present.

I no longer ran away from the past, and I did not avoid the future, either. In fact, I owned them up with grace. This was possible only because I chose the present, which was in my control. The past and the future were both out of my reach. All the action was now in this moment. Whatever I had to do, plan, accept, or let go, everything was in the now. 

Tangible and intangible levels

When I dwelled deeper into this thought, I came across a beautiful concept of being in the now. One which was tangible and the other a non-tangible side to it. There are two levels to this:

Tangible:  This is the superficial level where the now is in the field of our perception. It includes everything happening inside and outside of us, like feelings, emotions, thoughts, and actions. We are aware of this all. We can understand it through the happenings and the results they produce, the feelings they arouse, or the impact they bring along. Basically, all that our five senses can perceive comes under tangible.

Intangible: At the deeper level, awareness of the now is the intangible. This includes the tangible. Being aware at the superficial level and the state of presence itself. That’s NOW itself. This can be perceived with our sixth sense with heightened awareness and deep consciousness. 

While scrolling I came across a reel that laid out this equation: 

Thoughts, content, feeling, emotions  =  Furniture, people, etc around us.             

On dwelling on the equation, this is what I understood. We define the room by its area and its content. The space that can’t be measured is not considered because it’s not relatable. The essence of the room is not the furniture or the people it is filled with. It is the space, the vastness in the room. Similarly, our essence is not the feelings, thoughts, emotions, etc. 

That is our idea of who we are, which can change when we change our thoughts. The space within is essentially who we are. And that is not interchangeable with the content. So, when we ask ourselves who we are, it’s not the question of the outer form (which we know), but the question is of our essence, our soul, the formless us. 

The tangible present can never be enough. One never arrives because we always want more—more money, more happiness, more love, and so on. The beauty is that when we dive deep into the conscious presence, we become enlightened. And the search ends here because we arrive. When the inner is complete, the search for the outer ceases. 

Phew! Too philosophical to handle? But just dwell upon it for some time. Ponder over the idea, and you will know that when we are present physically, we may not always be present there truly. But when we are present in spirit, we are there where we are. And where the spirit is, the form is. 

Mindful living is conscious living. Being in the present fills my life with gratitude. I cherish my time with the people I love, enjoy life, and do not stress over the inevitable. With pride and joy, I count my blessings and announce, “Where I am, I am there!” 

Are you there where you are?