New beginnings: Dare to walk away from toxic relationships 

Many people don’t realize they are in a toxic relationship. Others don’t walk away because of societal pressure or fear of the future. What about you?

Are you feeling trapped, suffocated, and unable to remember the last time you truly smiled? These are signs of a toxic relationship—one that is slowly draining the life out of you. Yes, you heard that right. Such relationships are toxic, and they kill you from within.

But you can turn around a emotionally draining situation to your long-term benefit. As Rumi put it, “What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle.”

We have all heard of toxic relationships, but the difficulty arises in becoming aware if you are in one. Any relationship where you cannot be true to yourself can be considered toxic. Many of us, or those around us, live with such unhealthy relationships. It could be with partners, children, or parents, and it could even be at college, work, etc.

Life is fragile, and many of us experience struggles in relationships. Some find avenues to express themselves, some don’t know who to confide in, and some don’t even realize they are caught up in manipulative relationships, ignoring themselves while managing the lives of everyone around them. Others sweep it under the carpet out of fear—fear of the future, fear of societal judgment, and so on.

Recognize the signs of a toxic relationship

1. Are you manipulated for money, social reasons, or for the sake of others?
2. Are you stopped from expressing yourself?
3. Is your love and care valued as though it is precious?
4. Are you ignored in the important decisions of life?
5. Are you supported in the decisions you make?
6. Are there relationships that are more important than yours? Is it always or occasionally?
7. When someone doesn’t treat you well, does the person stand by you or ignore the fact?
8. In a week, do you have a handful of fun times together?

Sometimes, manipulation is not only physical but also mental. Please analyze the responses to the above 8 questions, and if the majority are “No,” it means you are in a toxic environment.

More red flags of an unhealthy relationship

1. Do you have the freedom to do what you love the most?
2. Are you living a life based on your likes?
3. Do you feel respected in your most important relationship?
4. Do you have a space to shed tears when you feel like it?
5. Are you in a relationship where your expression is not taken wrongly?
6. Do you need to justify your expressions of care and love when it is mistaken?
7. Are you part of the decision-making in important matters of life?
8. Is there an urge to express yourself to someone about what is not going okay in your life?
9. Are you being forced to do things in life?
10. Is your financial freedom restrained?

Awareness is a sign of confidence to lead a better and self-respectful life. This helps you understand the need to hold, drop, or check the relationship. Here is the difference based on your yes and no responses to the above questionnaire.

Remember, you are special to God, who sent you to live a life filled with abundance in every form and shape. You deserve nothing but the best! You have it all in you to walk away from a hurtful relationship that does not deserve a wonderful person like “You”.

Reasonably good – Hold on, if you said YES to 8 or more of the questions. 

That means, on important decisions, you are consulted and are an active participant in that initiative. So

The relationship is unhealthy – If you responded NO to 6 of the questions. 

This means the abusive partner cared for himself or herself, not both of you. So consider breaking away.

Work to do – If you responded YES and NO in equal measure, 5:5, that means you are important for social reasons or children’s sake and not for other matters. So need to actively improve the relationship.

How to overcome a toxic relationship

Based on the outcomes of the above activity, if you see a need to overcome a toxic relationship, here are a few recommendations:

1. Dare to acknowledge the reality, even if it is a most loved relationship. Be realistic.

Seeking support is not a crime. Discuss the situation with people outside the family for a new perspective that could bring clarity. Ensure the person you talk to is not biased.

2. If the relationship needs maintenance, set clear boundaries on matters where the other person will be involved and where it will be just you.

3. Focus on yourself with self-love and care. Physical attention to keep yourself healthy and fit works beautifully well in such times. Do not neglect pampering and caring for your body and mind—everything that keeps your soul happy.

4. When things move to the drop zone:

a. After seriously evaluating the situation, seek professional advice on matters that require legal attention. Weigh the pros and cons, but avoid decisions based on emotions. Move out of a place without respect for you or your love and care.

b. Give yourself permission to clear the debris of the past and connect to your faith to ensure divine guidance for a bright future.

5. Always permit yourself to be healed, loved, and cared for. You, too, deserve it. Live and let live is wise advice for you and others

6. Avoid guilt and doubt when pressed for social reasons. You are the one who is going through a toxic relationship. Remember, your gut feeling will not lie to you. It is your God speaking for you.

7. Self-respect and self-worth are twins for life. Just for the sake of you and your deservingness, say to yourself good things and best things and fulfil them without a miss.

8. Lastly, never go back to a partner or relationship that has given you a toxic experience; it is equal to death.

Remember, you are special to God, who sent you to live a life filled with abundance in every form and shape. You deserve nothing but the best! You have it all in you to walk away from a toxic relationship that does not deserve a wonderful person like “You”.