Strengthening relationships involves refraining from exploiting vulnerabilities, recognizing that your partner’s Achilles’ heel should be shielded, not targeted.
Achilles’ story is well-known in Greek mythology. When he was an infant, it was foretold that he would perish at a young age. To prevent this from happening, his mother Thetis took him to the River Styx which was known to offer powers of invulnerability. She dipped his entire body in the sacred waters, but since she held him by the heel, it did not receive the powers. That’s how the phrase Achilles’ heel came into being.
Achilles grew up to be a great warrior and survived many battles. However, finally when he took a poisoned arrow to his heel he succumbed. The story showed that no matter how brave or unconquerable a warrior is, they always have some weakness, which if found can be used to defeat him. The phrase Achilles’ heel entered the dictionary, meaning a vulnerable point.
A lesson in relationships
This has great significance in all relationships, but I am going to use the context of marriage to expand this. If you have been married for a few months or long years, you already know that your partner has his or her own Achilles heel.
Humans that we are, we subconsciously keep picking at each other’s weaknesses. As we live with someone, we find out what makes them happy, and what makes them sad, and we learn ways to find their Achilles’s heel.
Unfortunately, most people use this Achilles’ heel in relationships to hurt rather than to protect or heal them. For instance, the husband knows that for the wife, her mother is her Achilles’ heel. So, by default in a fight, he will bring her up and say something that would emotionally affect her. He believes he will gain the upper hand by hurting her where it matters most: her Achilles’ heel.
If the wife knows that her husband’s alma mater or old classmates mean a lot to him, she may use that against him in certain situations. She may pass remarks like, “Oh, so is this what they taught you at XYZ”. She knows other things may not affect him but a word against his college or university will hit home.
If you want to build your marriage, or any relationship, and create a secure environment for each other, you need to know your partner’s Achilles’ heel and help them preserve it. Knowing what will hurt them, and ensuring you do nothing to cause the hurt.
Losing in arguments, winning at love
Using weaknesses is the most common thing corporations do and is one way many sportsmen win their medals. Not only do they work on their strengths, but they also use the other’s weaknesses against them to get where they must.
And yet, relationships are no competition to be won. It’s not about one-upping, as much as it is about tangoing along together. Sometimes, we forget that by winning a point or feeling good for that moment, we end up losing something much more important: the love, trust, or peace of the other.
What’s the point of winning something at the cost of losing something much more important? Yes, throwing an insult and knowing you caught the other off guard may win you that one argument but it’s not setting the right tone for your relationship in the long run.
Instead, if you want to build your marriage (or any relationship) and create a secure environment for each other, you need to know your partner’s Achilles’ heel and help them preserve it. Knowing what will hurt them, and ensuring you do nothing to cause the hurt.
Even if the other is using your Achilles’ heel, if you hold onto your dignity and simply don’t give in, it leads to growing love, trust, and respect in marriage or any relationship.
There is a high chance that seeing the way you are carrying yourself and preserving the other’s weakness, the other will want to return the favor.
Achilles’ heel can be used to win. Let’s use it to win in love!
Pictures courtesy: Freepik.com
