How to stay sane as political polarization haunts our personal lives

How can we prevent differences over politics affecting our personal relationships and heal the divides? Views from a cross-section of people in America. Join the conversation on political polarization now!

Being editor of ALotusInTheMud.com has not made me immune from getting caught in the whirl of the pernicious problem of political polarization. At a recent family get together, conversation veered to politics and one person close to me remarked, “Our leader is a messiah.” That was a bridge too far for me. Engaging in arguments and counter-arguments, I found the pitch of my voice rising. Thankfully, better sense prevailed and I de-escalated.  
Being an Indian American journalist, I have noticed and reported over the years on the widening chasm between political parties and ideologies in the United States as well as India. What is more worrisome is the political becoming personal – heated arguments, strained interactions, and even rifts erupting as more and more people find it hard to respect differing viewpoints. The other is always wrong, even dubbed evil. And each side insists the leader of the opposite camp will destroy democracy while our leader is godsent to fix the country.
When asked, Tom Suozzi, Congressman from a New York district I am a resident of, lists a few factors fueling polarization in America. Some other concerned citizens also reflect on the modern malaise, and suggest antidotes at the personal and collective levels. In the second part of this article, we bring you voices from India. Read on:

Don’t hold in contempt those we disagree with

~Congressman Tom Suozzi

Jesus said not only to love your neighbor but to love your enemies too. So, just because we disagree with others doesn’t mean that we hold them in contempt.
Yes, political polarization is happening in America. Four factors are causing it.
One, most of the 435 seats in Congress are safe seats – Republican or  Democrat. Representatives from those seats listen to only one group that can defeat them: those who vote in the primaries, who are often the extreme, right or left.
Two, social media is to blame. The more outlandish or extreme things you say over there, the more people will follow you and share your stuff.  
Third, cable news. Before he got moved out of Fox News, Tucker Carlson had 4 million viewers. Rachel Maddow on MSNBC, which is like the far left, gets 3 million viewers—but only out of 350 million people in America. Yet, such extreme voices are controlling the political debate. Their job is not to educate people but to try and keep people watching by getting them enraged.
The fourth problem, and the most dangerous, is that our strategic adversaries — Russia, Iran, North Korea and others — are using our freedom and our social media to whip up passions in our country. They supply people with disinformation on divisive issues. They prop up both sides and get everybody yelling and screaming at each other. Earlier, it was Black Lives Matter versus Blue Lives Matter. Now it’s over transgenders and evangelicals. The big new division is over Israel and Gaza. What is happening at college campuses is a result of that. 
Unfortunately, the longer we are distracted and fighting with each other, the less likely we can solve the problems we face in our country and the world. 
I’m constantly working to try and heal that divide. My advice is, don’t believe if somebody says Republicans hate people with brown skin or that they don’t care about the poor or the environment. Yes, there are some people like what the other side’s saying.  But a majority of the people are in the middle, fed up with the left-right divide, as reported by a public opinion study by a group named Finding Common Ground.
Remember how I won my election a few months ago in a 16-point swing? My opponent said radical things to attack me. And I would say, “Hey, can we all get along and try to work together to solve problems?” People responded to that message.

God also loves those who are wrong

~Rev. Thomas W. Goodhue

Political polarization takes a toll on relationships, but even though my wife and I disagree with another couple about many issues, they remain our best friends. I grew up in a family that discussed both religion and politics at the dinner table, and we have deep differences over religion, but we still love each other. How is this possible?
Listen before you speak. I am more likely to remain civil if somebody says, “I hear what you are saying, but I see things differently,” or “I agree with you about this, but I wonder if… ”
Admit your own ambivalence. It is far better to admit that you have struggled with bias yourself than to call your in-law a bigot. If you held your nose when you cast your ballot or were tempted to vote for the Libertarian who could not name a single leader of another nation because you did not like either candidate, say so.         
Use humor, particularly if you are the brunt of the joke. In discussing immigration, I often suggest that when my Puritan ancestors landed in Massachusetts in 1636, the local residents probably said, “There goes the neighborhood!” 
Don’t expect others to agree with you. After all, I don’t always agree with myself. It is far less offensive to say, “My experience has been different,” rather than “You don’t know what you are talking about.” Even relatives who think you have lived a strange life are less likely to become indignant if you describe what you have seen rather than assuming that they are idiots if their experience has led them to another conclusion. 
Remember that God also loves those who are wrong, including that relative who drives you crazy. As Martin Luther said, “God carves rotten wood and rides the lame horse.” God even loves the likes of you and me.
What might help? Media education could teach students to question the divisive rhetoric or partisan news outlets. Ending the gerrymandering of political districts would force candidates to appeal to independent and swing voters rather than worrying about losing a primary to an extremist in their own party. Individually, we can read differing points of view, as Billy Joel sings, “I need a little give and take: the New York Times, the Daily News.”

Jain values of ‘Anekantavad’ and ‘Live & Let Live’ can help

~Kamlesh C. Mehta

Even though I was actively involved in local political platforms in the past, I rarely encountered people fighting over political issues and political polarization.
Political polarization is here, yet mature people behave mostly normally once the political argument is over or the topic changes.  
Individuals with a pragmatic approach usually avoid any strong verbal conflict. The heated arguments usually end with “agreed to disagree,” maintaining social harmony in the group. 
As wise people say, “Everything has at least two sides.” It is normal to have different viewpoints. Yet, sometimes, disagreements may become troublesome when the parties involved hold extreme views or are rigid in their beliefs.
Respecting each other’s views and allowing fair space to opposition with democratic values would alleviate such happenings. Taking a cue from the Jain principles of ‘Anekantavad – Multiplicity of Views’ and ‘Live & Let Live’ will help.

Education is the panacea for all ills

~Arvind Vora

I have read too many stories affecting relations between blood relatives, friends, and neighbors regardless of location and time. The culprit of causing political polarization usually is extreme viewpoints between the parties. As a reader of Social IQ and ethics columns in The New York Times or advice columns like Ann Landers, I can say that the culprit is one side or both, depending on your viewpoints and how the question is phrased.
Over the last 50-plus years in America, mostly as a community worker, I have repeated too often that there are too many problems afflicting us at the individual and collective level. The one-word solution is EDUCATION. Following my conviction, I have worked with two organizations.
I am the Founder and Chairman of the Long Island Multifaith Forum, which was formed in 1994 to foster understanding among the newly arrived faiths in the USA. Twelve living, breathing, and practicing faiths needed a forum made possible by the generosity of the Christian community. I convinced everyone that to foster harmony and peaceful understanding in a new environment, we must educate ourselves and be willing to educate others about our faith.
The second organization I have founded is Shanti Fund. Good education begins at an early age and primarily at home. Over the past 30 years, Shanti Fund volunteers have served the entire spectrum of individuals, organizations, people in power, and faith leaders through events, roundtable discussions, and conferences. True to Shanti Fund’s motto of Peace and Enlightenment through Education, many highly placed volunteers have imparted meaningful contributions to our adopted society.

Need forums for inter-party, interfaith, and diversity dialogs

~Ashok Vyas

Lotus is addressing a very pertinent issue. We are caught in this polarizing current as individuals and collectively as members of religious groups or supporters of political parties. The trend is not confined to any one country.
When we operate with strong likes and dislikes, the atmosphere gets vitiated when we say, ‘My way or highway’. The antidote is to give others space, inculcate appreciative tolerance, and respectfully accept differences. We should have more meaningful forums for inter-party, interfaith, and diversity dialogs.
When caught in conflictive situations, the only way to control emotions is to be cognizant of the big picture. We need to be aware of our respective roles in a particular setting. Sometimes, we need to learn to hold our opinions and listen to disagreeable arguments without responding.  
I personally feel political polarization is unavoidable, and I look at it as another opportunity for us to grow as human beings. The mantra is to develop ‘Rishta bhava’, which means ‘being a witness’ with a certain degree of detachment.

Exposure to the wider world makes us aware of our biases

~Roopsi Narula

Yes, political divides are pervasive, whether in India or the USA. People with different political perspectives are often convinced of being right. They tend to hero-worship a few political leaders. I have seen political discussions lead to heated arguments, bitterness, name-calling, and overt hostility toward others. Often, this causes a permanent rift in relationships.
I have not figured out a solution to this. I try to keep an open mind to understand the other person’s perspective, but I lose respect for family or friends who justify discrimination, violence, and contempt in the name of religion, race, or gender. Of late, I try to avoid political discussions to keep my own sanity. I also tend to distance myself from people with ideologies that make no sense to me.
Education, reading, traveling, and interacting with diverse groups of people bring awareness of one’s own biases. Staying cocooned in one’s comfort zone leads to the exacerbation of prejudices.
Social media companies have a responsibility to curb misinformation and present facts. Basic values such as peace, respect, non-violence, equality, and non-discrimination must be unanimous. As I write this, I know this is easier said than done.

Lead visual courtesy: Freepik 

For second part of this article go to: