Dear men, you need to take care of your looks too!

The other day I stood in front of the mirror and couldn’t help but admire the man in the mirror. I gently whispered into my ears, “This fitness regimen you have got into shows, man! Oh, those legs and calf muscles give any of the hulks a run for their money. The chest and the biceps seem to be a work in progress shaping up nicely. Even that definite showstopper, that pot belly of yours is no longer an eyesore it used to be. 

“Keep at it, son, six packs seem to be well within reach. Now I wonder, if it’s time you got a tattoo, or going a little bolder a pony or an ear-stud maybe? Aging men with natural grey hair, salt & pepper goatee, and a fit physique are a sight to behold,” I continued

It didn’t always look like this though. I started my fitness journey about two years ago at the grand age of 53. Two radically different events had a cataclysmic impact on how I viewed my body. First was contacting Covid, when I knocked at the pearly gates. Increased body weight coupled with the stress had gifted me with lifestyle diseases like diabetes. Although all my family was affected by Covid, none of them suffered as much as I did. The second was kind of a harsh comment from my spiritual guru. In his characteristic style laced with sarcastic humor, he delivered the sucker punch, which landed where it hurt the most. For the first time, I felt great urgency and desperation to get back in shape.

Until my teenage years, I was thin, a bit shorter, and I thought girls considered me cute if not good-looking. It did help, of course, that I cared immensely about how I looked. My obsession at one point in time took me to such desperate heights that I used to go to school powdered up, quite literally. It’s very embarrassing if any of those days are recalled by my old classmates. Rascals! Invariably one of them brings it up in those reunions.

Teenage brought out the foodie in me. The fact that I wasn’t very athletic, or a keen sportsman ensured that I got chubby and fat eventually. As years passed, I kept gaining weight despite several false starts at gaining fitness. I was not too fond of those hotel bathrooms with full-length mirrors, which, to my annoyance, never lied. The worst is that the more expensive the hotel room, the bigger the bathroom and the bigger the embarrassment. While normal people checked if the hotel had facilities like a pool or a gym, I only checked if their bathrooms had big mirrors.

I tried several times earlier with workouts and diets, but nothing worked. So, what was the difference this time around? I figured it was this newfound peace or happiness in being what I am. The secret was falling in love with myself. Once you are in love with yourself, the overwhelming feeling is to become a better version of yourself day by day, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I am blessed with light-colored eyes, a kind of greenish grey, a rarity in this part of the world. A Lebanese friend of mine used to joke that one of my ancestors must have wandered into the West. My daughter always complains, “Why didn’t I get your eyes, Papa?” I thought my intense eyes were enough to make me look good, only to realize that my pretty eyes only took me to some distance before my potbelly showed up.

I now wonder why this wisdom of working on my fitness didn’t dawn on me earlier. Was it that men in general and Indians in particular don’t care about their looks? For a woman, however successful she is career-wise, looks still matter to her. Degrees may vary across societies, but men seldom focus on their appearance. 

There are two aspects to one’s looks. First is the God gifted things like height, face, eyes, etc., which one can do very little to change. I am excluding the painful and unnatural ways like plastic surgery here. Then there are things one can work on, like physique, general appearance, and personal hygiene.

Younger folks focus on getting better physiques with the limited aim of impressing women. In my personal experience (very limited it is, I must admit), looks can get your attention but are never enough to reach a woman’s heart. While average-looking men may need that extra bit of effort or luck, for that matter, to reach a woman’s heart, they can still steal that heart if they get the essentials right. The essentials are called empathy and chivalry. One can dazzle with humor or intellect, but chances are that it won’t last long. 

A good physique goes a long way toward making you feel good about yourself. Confidence brings about a positive change in your demeanor. A pleasing personality makes it easier for others to trust you. There are a few things about my appearance that one can change and a few that one cannot. Once I accepted the unchangeable, focusing on the changeable became easy. 

I tried several times earlier with workouts and diets, but nothing worked since I didn’t commit to those long enough. So, what was the difference this time around? I figured it was this newfound peace or happiness in being I am what I am. The secret was falling in love with myself. Cherishing my being the unique I, made with all those perfect imperfections made all the difference. Once you are in love with yourself, the overwhelming feeling is to become a better version of yourself day by day, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If the motivation is external, the effect lasts only till the external force exists. With self-motivation, one goes all the way. Real love is a tough emotion that doesn’t pamper you. It rather encourages you to choose the right over easy. You will never return to your profligate ways once you taste the fruits of fitness. The key is to taste the fruit which one gets only when one is at it long enough.

So please go ahead and fall in love with yourself, that is, if you haven’t already. It may not be easy to start. You can begin by focusing only on your positives and ignoring the negative ones. Be a compulsive good finder both with others and yourself. Very soon that crush will happen that will open the doors to a blissful life.