Broken to beautiful: The golden path of healing a heartbreak

Healing from heartbreak is like the Kintsugi art, where all shards are embraced and woven back together with the golden threads of resilience, beauty, wisdom, and strength.

Falling in love may be as effortless as a gentle breeze, but navigating the stormy seas of heartbreak and moving on can be arduous. While love can weave a dreamlike tapestry of bliss, a bitter separation unfolds as a stark and ruthless chapter of life, leaving a person shattered. Even in amicable partings, there lingers the stinging pain of losing a person, of the quiet demise of a once-vibrant relationship.The healing journey to understand ourselves and learn our lessons takes time, preparing us to embrace a new chapter in our lives. In the interim, graceful endurance is called for. This is the time to manage emotions that ride a roller coaster, intertwining the complexities of seeking forgiveness and extending the grace of forgiveness.

Divyansh Sharma, 26, a filmmaker from Mumbai, recalls how he coped, “For me, the pivotal moment was understanding that love isn’t about someone else completing you, but realizing that completeness begins within oneself. It became the answer to untangle myself from the mess of heartbreak.”

People steer emotions uniquely, finding diverse ways to mend, heal, soothe, and declutter a broken heart. It’s a process of making space for new experiences along the way.
Pamela Misuraca, 27, a social worker in Italy, found sustenance in spirituality, “I went through a devastating heartbreak and I was suffering. I wasn’t working or going out. I also lost a lot of weight. It was terrible. That’s when I learned meditation at a workshop and started to do it on my own. It all started getting better and better as meditation taught me to look within and see what was wrong inside. I started to change that was followed by my whole life changing for the better.”

In the cocoon of time, a heartbreak undergoes a profound metamorphosis through gentle healing. As wounds mend and scars fade, the spirit within begins to stir with a newfound, vibrant sense of self.  Emerging from the crucible of pain, the heartbreak survivor unfolds wings of self-awareness and resilience, soaring above the past, stronger, wiser, and more refined than ever before.

Pamela also took a couple of therapy sessions, where she learned that a break-up can equal pain to the death of a loved one. She adds, “My therapist said it can take up to a year to heal. No way, I told myself. I will get better in three months.” Traveling helped her. Changing the environment changed her perspective to get well. She says that she will feel ready for another serious relationship when she doesn’t fear it.

Pamela’s mother advised her that it was better to suffer the pain of heartbreak than the nightmare of spending the rest of your life with a person you couldn’t tolerate. “My mother told me that you must be brave enough to lose the wrong person to create space in your life where you can meet the right person,” she says.

Five stages of grief

To embark on the journey of healing from heartbreak, it’s essential to first comprehend the nuanced stages that make up the intricacies of heartbreak.

Mrs. Narinder Sethi, a relationship expert from Mumbai, says, “Love takes you to hell or heaven, but it transforms you in important ways. The ills that plague relationships are – boredom, taking each other for granted, cheating, not committing, being emotionally unavailable, and initial attraction fizzling out, leaving couples either bickering or in mutual apathy.”

Mrs Sethi explains the five stages of heartbreak, which are similar to the better-known five stages of grief:

1.Denial/shock: To protect your heart from the immediate shock of the loss.
2.Anger/Blame: Shock is soon replaced by blame or anger directed at oneself, one’s partner, and the circumstances that led to heartbreak.
3.Bargaining: There are a whole lot of ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only’ thoughts of how things could or should have moved on.
4.Depression/isolation: As reality sets in, it might bring sadness. One might stop socializing, keep crying in isolation, and have anxiety about the future.
5.Acceptance and healing: Coming to terms with the new reality, letting go of the past, and looking forward to a future course of action. It’s about forgiving yourself and others. The idea of ‘moving on’ germinates.

Mrs Sethi’s advice is not to seek revenge as a part of healing. ‘Break up’ means ‘wake up.’ She quotes Paulo Coelho: “If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”

Dr Puneet Dwevedi, Chief Consultant Psychiatrist at Artemis Hospital in Gurgaon, says, “Surviving heartbreak is a journey that demands resilience, patience, and a deliberate commitment to healing. It’s a process that touches deeply on our emotional and physical well-being, often leaving us to navigate a maze of complex feelings. Whether stemming from unrequited love or the dissolution of a relationship, the path to recovery involves several crucial steps, each designed to honor our feelings while guiding us toward renewal.”

Mayank Dixit, 27, Creative Scriptwriter at The Better India, has a refreshing take on heartbreak, “The problem is, these days we treat heartbreaks as something to be ‘survived’. There is a sadistic charm in valorizing a futile conquest for love. You can see it in the plethora of films, songs, and popular culture overrun by lover boys and girls.”

Mayank blames Romanticism, a movement originating in the late 18th century. Since then, the concept of a soulmate has been spoon-fed globally. There isn’t anything wrong with dreaming about your destined partner, he says, but it glosses over the fact that we aren’t too sure about what love is in the first place.

Heartbreak can mean different things to different people. Aminah Sheikh, Healing Therapist at wombodiment.com, says, “Unfortunately we have been conditioned to think that when a relationship doesn’t work out, we have a heartbreak while it’s our expectations that have not been met. The heartache is a result of it.”

Aminah argues that there is too much emphasis on reaching a particular goal in a relationship and not enjoying getting to know the person. Endings can tend to bring up old wounds of rejection, of not being good enough, loneliness, and so on. Healing the heart begins by acknowledging your emotions. It is important to take your own sweet time to internalize your emotions: What was your part in this heartbreak? What would you like to do differently?

How to move on

According to Dr Dwevedi, the first and foremost step is achieving closure, which is paramount as it makes the way for a cathartic release. Engaging in a final, honest conversation can provide clarity and understanding. This step is not about rekindling the relationship, but about acknowledging its significance and the impact of its loss. The importance of a clean break cannot be overstated. Structuring our days to include a balance of activities is another vital step.

Dr Dwevedi continues, “Embracing alone time for emotional processing is essential. Whether through journaling, meditation or simply allowing ourselves to feel our grief, acknowledging and soothing our emotions is a crucial aspect of healing. This can help us rediscover joy in activities that nourish and comfort us, aiding in the gradual mending of our hearts.”

Eschew unhealthy coping mechanisms, he advises. “Rushing into another relationship, abusing substances, or any form of escapism can delay healing and may lead to further emotional turmoil.”

Heartbreak, while deeply painful, also presents an opportunity for profound personal growth and self-discovery. It reminds us of the depth of our capacity to love and, ultimately, to overcome. By embracing these steps, we can navigate the turbulent waters of heartbreak, emerging stronger, more resilient, and open to the possibilities of new beginnings.

Sometimes, coming out of a heartbreak can involve some deep processing of suppressed feelings. Anamika, a holistic well-being and grief counselor, shares three ways to process one’s troubled emotions:

• • Feel your feelings: If you feel each of your feelings fully, you can begin to release them. Elizabeth Kubler Ross says, let the anger pass through and be done with it.

• • Allow old wounds to come up for healing: It is helpful to take advantage of grief as a time to reflect on the past with tenderness, love, and compassion.

• • Change your self-talk: Often our thinking is distorted in pain, and we blame ourselves. We start feeling that we deserve the pain we are experiencing. We can use positive affirmations to create a better self-concept.

The Master Advice

Jasbina Ahluwalia, a celebrated Indian-American matchmaker, the founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina, and a certified science-based relationship expert who personally dated as a means of finding her life partner shares, “I appreciate the emotional toll of heartbreak and the importance of navigating it with grace and compassion.” Here she provides some tips that help navigate this difficult time:

1.Allow yourself to grieve: Heartbreak is a loss, and it’s essential both to acknowledge and process your emotions. Allow yourself to feel sad, angry, or hurt without judgment. Give yourself permission to grieve the end of the relationship and the loss of plans you may have had.

2. Seek support: Surround yourself with friends, family, or a therapist who can offer support and understanding during this challenging time. Talking about your feelings with someone you trust can provide comfort and validation.

3. Practice self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being by engaging in activities that nourish your soul. Exercise, spend time outdoors in nature, meditate, or indulge in hobbies that bring you joy and relaxation. Prioritize sleep, nutrition, and hydration to support your overall health and maintain your energy.

4. Set boundaries: If staying in contact with your ex-partner is prolonging your pain, consider setting boundaries or taking a break from communication. Allow yourself the space and time to focus on your healing without the distraction of ongoing contact.

5. Focus on personal growth: Use this time of transition to focus on yourself and your personal growth. Reflect on the lessons learned from the relationship and how you can apply them to future connections. Invest your time and energy in activities that promote self-discovery, learning, and growth.

6. Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness is not about excusing or condoning the actions of your ex-partner but releasing yourself from the burden of resentment and anger. Practice forgiveness for your peace of mind and emotional well-being.

7. Stay in the present: Avoid dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Practice mindfulness and staying present in the moment. Focus on what you can control and take small steps forward each day.

8. Rediscover yourself: Use this time to reconnect with yourself and rediscover your passions, interests, and values. Reconnect with old hobbies or explore new ones. Invest in activities that bring you fulfillment and a sense of purpose.

9. Be patient with yourself: Healing from heartbreak can take time, and it’s okay to not feel okay. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of the healing process. Trust that with time and self-care, you will emerge stronger and more resilient than before.

10. Believe in love again: While heartbreak can be painful, it’s essential to remember that it’s not the end of your love story. Keep an open heart and believe that love and happiness are still possible. Decide to have faith that you will love again.
Keep in mind that everyone’s healing journey can be unique, so be gentle with yourself and honor your process. With time, self-care, and support, you will emerge from this experience stronger, wiser, and more open to love than ever before. If you follow these tips, you will not just survive but ultimately thrive.

Lead photo: Freepik

Related Read

Balancing logic and intuition in choosing your life partner

Choose wisely. Supportive relationships foster emotional bonding, resilience, and well-being,…

Read More